Control and Create
What do you do when you are upset about the things you cannot control?
It’s been a tough week. My mom was diagnosed with pancreas cancer a few months ago. She started treatment and was doing OK, but had some sudden complications and has been in the hospital all week. As she’s done for me multiple times in my life, I dropped everything and came to be with her. I’ve been in the hospital, working the OODA loop (observe-orient-decide-act) multiple times a day with her doctors, reacting to her changing condition. It feels good to do everything in my power to help her, but a nagging feeling I’m becoming aware of is the inconvenient truth there are too many things out of my control.
So the question I have on my mind this week is:
What do we do about things outside of our control?
When life feels overwhelming and I’m upset about things outside of my control, I have a few coping mechanisms.
Focus on what you can.
When I’m upset about things I cannot control, I direct my energy towards things I can. Like getting to inbox-zero. I directed my mind to cleaning out every email. Check out this screenshot of my empty inbox, and if you know my personal email, please don’t email me!
Create
Because of the stress I’m feeling at the moment, I didn’t want to write this week. But I was inspired by this beautiful NFT called Creative Universe, with its subtext of “We are all creating with every moment.” And it got me to think about the act of creation.
For a long time, I stopped identifying as a creator. If I wasn’t the one holding a paintbrush and creating a canvas in a literal sense or wasn’t the one writing and deploying code for a real product, I stopped seeing myself as a creative. During the years I spent in the management class climbing a corporate ladder I felt particularly uncreative. But in the past few years I started tweeting, blogging, journaling, and participating in web3 and NFT communities. I’ve done several public talks. I’ve created new friendships. I identify as a creative again. And my mental health has improved with it.
So, coming out of a tough week when all I want to do is not write, I’m pushing myself to write as an act of creation.
“Start writing, no matter what. The water does not flow until the faucet is turned on.” — Louis L’Amour
Breathe
Buddhist philosophy teaches us that attachment is the root of suffering, in this case attachment to my world of 5 days ago when my mom was doing well, or even to the world of 90 days ago before her diagnosis. I know I’ll only stop suffering when I accept reality but I’m not quite ready to do that.
When my inbox-zero endorphins wear off, when the satisfaction of hitting send on this newsletter fades, there’s always going back to breath, the one thing we can always control.
What is your go-to coping mechanism for dealing with things you cannot control?
Some of the things
Since my last post 2 weeks ago, here are just some of the things I’ve come across - podcasts, blogs, projects, etc. - that I’ve enjoyed:
Marvel, Starwars, Princesses and Theme parks are not my jam, but Bob Iger seems almost universally revered and I love web3, so I gave this podcast a chance and I wasn’t prepared for how much I would enjoy it. It was a fascinating conversation about creatives and technology, you can read more of my thoughts here.
I see the bestseller Atomic Habits everywhere, but I wasn’t going to read it. I already learned how habits work reading The Power of Habit. And I’m already very familiar with the concept of compounding - both as an investor and a software developer obsessed with devops, agile and modern ways of working. But I listened to James Clear on the Tim Ferriss podcast and holy cow was I wrong! I learned so many small hacks for creating better habits listening to the conversation. My favorite one is finishing the sentence, “I’m the type of person who ____.” Ways I’ve used this sentence in the past 2 weeks: I’m the type of person who makes time for a 10 minute exercise class, I’m the type of person who stays present and doesn’t multitask in meetings, I’m the type of person who drops everything when family needs me. Finish this sentence in your head and it’s pretty amazing how much easier it is to change your behavior.
Spendoso A new application, still in beta, for tracking SaaS spend. Procurement in most companies is still in the dark ages, being managed in excel. Software Rationalization has always been a painful process and I’m excited to see apps enter this space to make it easier. Especially in this economic environment, companies that deferred rationalization and managing their software portfolios will be looking for opportunities to reduce spend.
There Was Nothing “Wasted” About My Youth Spent Clubbing on Ecstasy - I’m interested in the renewed research and enthusiasm for using psychedelics and MDMA for therapy. I enjoyed reading this essay that combines that interest with my love of the 90s club scene.
“Modernity is a deal: Humans agree to give up meaning in exchange for power.” -Yuval Noah Harari. Artist Gavin Shapiro reflections on this quote and his art concept is explained in a beautiful twitter thread.
I’m obsessed with people who embrace failure. I enjoyed this story about how one person’s failure on an army mission turned into a great learning opportunity.
A note to my subscribers:
If you’ve read this far, thank you for supporting my writing and journey. As much as I started this substack for myself, admittedly it’s nice to think there are real people around the world who are hearing these words. Please feel free to share it with anyone you think might also enjoy it, reach out and say hello, and of course unsubscribe anytime.
Until next time, keep putting good into the world. —adrienne🌏❤️
I love reading your blogs. Grounded and inspiring. Thank you for sharing.